Section 1.1: Understanding the Psychology of Desire

Research shows that losses feel more significant than gains, as demonstrated by Kahneman and Tversky. The emotional toll of yearning for something far outweighs the joy we experience when we finally acquire it. Our brains have a tendency to enhance the appeal of what we lack, sometimes even when we weren't aware it was missing. This phenomenon is referred to as affective forecasting, leading us to overestimate the happiness that will come with obtaining what we desire. Unfortunately, when we finally achieve our goals, reality often falls short of our expectations, leaving us feeling unfulfilled and caught in a perpetual state of discontent.

Subsection 1.1.1: The Role of Social Media

Social media significantly amplifies this sense of longing. In our digital era, platforms like Instagram, Facebook, and X (formerly Twitter) highlight the best moments of people's lives. This curated content can easily trap us in a cycle of comparison. Rarely do we see mundane days shared unless someone seeks attention. This constant barrage of what others have can deepen our feelings of inadequacy and perpetuate our dissatisfaction.

A study conducted in Pennsylvania revealed a direct link between social media usage and increased feelings of loneliness and depression. Participants who reduced their social media engagement reported notable improvements in their emotional well-being, underscoring the importance of limiting exposure to these idealized portrayals of life.

Section 1.2: Personal Reflections on Desire

I'm sharing this today because I've been discussing in therapy how it is often the craving for things, rather than the items themselves, that brings us pain. My own journey toward inner peace has been challenging, taking me from the depths of depression to a much better place today. Yet, this transformation was neither swift nor easy; it required considerable self-reflection.

One of my profound wishes has always been to have loving and supportive parents, a reality I did not experience. I often neglected this desire or blamed myself for it. Thoughts like “If I had only done this differently, my father would have…” plagued my mind. When I observe my partner with their mother or see friends with their parents, I can't help but feel envious. For a moment, I appreciate their luck, but that quickly shifts to wishing I had a similar experience.

This longing is ever-present, often leading to anger, frustration, and emotions that are hard to articulate. My parents left when I was just seven years old, and that memory remains vivid. I can recall every detail—the weather, the scent of the day, and the emotions swirling within me. I wanted to accompany them, but they took my sibling and left me behind. I spent days waiting, hoping, and wishing for their return, making silent deals with fate. That pain and longing are deeply ingrained in me and resurface even now.