How to Become the Most Notorious JavaScript Developer
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Chapter 1: The Art of Chaos
Welcome to the chaotic realm of JavaScript development, where the aim isn't to solve problems effectively or elegantly but to fully embrace disorder, inefficiency, and obfuscation. If you've ever been curious about how to gain a reputation as the worst JavaScript developer, this guide serves as your compass in the murky waters of programming practices. Let’s plunge into this abyss of professional mayhem together.
1. More Globals, More Fun
Scope? What’s that? As a trailblazer in subpar JavaScript practices, declare all your variables in the global scope. This not only makes your code delightfully unpredictable (who doesn’t love a good enigma?), but it also guarantees an exhilarating debugging experience for anyone brave enough to tackle your code.
2. Callback Wonderland
Why use modern JavaScript features like async/await or Promises when you can nest callbacks within callbacks endlessly? Transform your code into a complex puzzle that even Daedalus would think twice about entering. Your mission is to make reading and understanding your code a Herculean challenge.
3. Comments are for the Weak
Good code speaks for itself, right? Wrong. Your code should be a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma. Steer clear of comments; let every function, variable, and algorithm remain an unsolvable puzzle. Future developers will be in awe of your ability to create an indecipherable hieroglyphic language.
4. Consistency is for the Uncreative
Naming conventions and coding standards are for developers who lack imagination. Feel free to name your variables and functions anything you desire. Mix camelCase with snake_case. Be as unpredictable as possible. Remember, predictability is the nemesis of creativity.
5. Refactoring is Overrated
If it works (or sometimes works), why bother changing it? Never refactor your code. Reusability and maintainability are mere myths propagated by those who fail to appreciate the beauty of your unique, monolithic creation. Code duplication? Not a flaw; it’s a feature.
6. Dismiss New Features and Best Practices
Why keep up with the latest ECMAScript features or best practices when you can revel in the nostalgia of ES5 (or earlier)? Let others advance with let, const, arrow functions, and template literals while you enjoy the timeless charm of var and undefined is not a function errors.
7. Testing is for the Timid
Why test your code when you can embrace uncertainty? Automated tests are for those who lack faith in their skills. Deploy straight to production and let your users experience the excitement of being beta testers for your experimental features.
By following this guide, you'll not only secure your position as the worst JavaScript developer but also forge a legacy that will baffle and frustrate developers for generations. Embrace the chaos, for in the world of poor practices, you reign supreme.
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Chapter 2: Embracing the Madness
I Made the Worst JavaScript Framework - YouTube
This video explores the chaotic world of JavaScript frameworks, showcasing the most inefficient practices and the joy of embracing poor coding standards.
JavaScript Is Weird (EXTREME EDITION) - YouTube
This extreme edition dives into the bizarre aspects of JavaScript, highlighting the unique quirks that make it both frustrating and entertaining for developers.