Chapter 1: Reflections on Aging

What is it about turning thirty that some folks consider it ancient? Yes, it’s often the misguided perspective of a few. Personally, I’ve never regarded thirty as old. Back then, I was in peak physical condition, and I long for that time.

Then vs. Now

I’m now thirty-nine, and while I still don’t feel old, it’s astonishing how much strength I’ve lost in just under a decade. I may still appear fit...

... but the feeling of strength has diminished. At thirty, I could perform pull-ups with ease and participated in six hours of MMA training weekly, still having the energy to jog uphill, do push-ups, and sprint back down.

Below is a video showcasing my pull-up skills and dancing at age thirty, a time when I was euphoric about my long-awaited divorce. Can you tell?

What Changed?

I’ve adhered to an all-organic diet for the past fifteen years, enjoying gluten, meat, and carbs, but avoiding chemically altered foods. I’ve also maintained an active lifestyle and get around eight hours of sleep each night. So, what caused my strength to wane? I think I have an idea.

The Impact of Alcohol

For those familiar with my story, I battled alcoholism from age thirty-two to thirty-six, a period I deeply regret. Maintaining my fitness during that time was challenging, yet I still managed to exercise and eat healthily. Unfortunately, these efforts were overshadowed by the detrimental effects of alcohol on my health. However, after four years of self-abuse, I surprisingly bounced back quite well in sobriety!

Health Setbacks

Shortly after getting sober, I discovered a growing lump in my abdomen. I’ve not yet mustered the energy to detail this experience, but last year I underwent multiple surgeries to remove a sizable cyst from my uterus, which was complicated by malpractice. What was intended to be a single surgery escalated to three, along with several emergency room visits. I suspect years of birth control might have contributed to the cyst, but that’s merely a theory based on my research into hormone disruption and its effects on health.

Nearly a year after the last surgery, I still feel the lingering impacts of the radiation, anesthesia, and invasive procedures. Recovering from surgery is no small feat!

Aging: A Dual Perspective for Athletes

As athletes, we can view aging in two ways. Firstly, our dedication to fitness often means we age gracefully, experiencing fewer age-related pains and enjoying robust immune systems, which can lead to fewer hospital visits. Conversely, we also face greater losses as we age compared to those who haven’t prioritized physical fitness.

I feel a profound sadness that I can now manage only two to four pull-ups. It’s disheartening that I can’t work out longer than thirty minutes without feeling utterly exhausted for a week afterward. Additionally, I’ve had to stick to low-impact exercises, which presents its own challenges.

Standing Out in a Different Culture

Recently, a colleague was surprised to learn I’m thirty-nine. This is a familiar reaction for me, especially living in Texas, where unhealthy habits seem to thrive. In contrast, my previous home in the Northwest fostered an environment of healthy aging. Here, I often face puzzled comments about my healthy eating, such as, “Ew! A salad again? Why do you always eat salad?”

I take advantage of my work environment, which allows for exercise during shifts since most tasks at the water plant are automated. My twenty-five-year-old coworker expressed that I inspire him to exercise, though he admitted he dislikes running.

A Fondness for Running

I often find myself bewildered when I hear someone say they hate running. It’s akin to saying one dislikes puppies! I reminisce about running up the butte near my Eugene apartment, beginning with stairs and transitioning to a dirt path that led to stunning views. The experience was filled with heavy breathing, pushups, sprinting, sunsets, and pure euphoria!

Moving Forward

As athletes, we often struggle to take it easy on our bodies. The relentless voice in my head pushes me to do more, making it hard to accept my current limitations. However, I’ve learned the hard way that pushing too hard leads to regret that lingers for weeks. The soreness I experience has crossed the line into unhealthy territory.

Aside from the natural process of aging, I’m also still recuperating from a difficult hysterectomy, prompting me to respect my body’s boundaries. This doesn’t mean I’m giving up; rather, I’m striving to find balance in my fitness journey. I will always seek that equilibrium because my love for exercise remains strong.

I know that one day—perhaps at sixty-nine—I will wish to relive my thirty-nine-year-old self. For now, I hold onto that thought, helping me to appreciate my body in its current state.

Thank you for taking the time to read!

Katy Langston is the creator of Seen and Green, a lifestyle blog covering various topics, including sobriety, addiction, emotional trauma, health, fitness, nutrition, sustainability, and more.

Chapter 2: Embracing Change

The first video, I Missed Me, captures the essence of self-reflection and the journey of reclaiming one’s identity, showcasing the importance of resilience and strength.

The second video, Jim Reeves - I Missed Me (1960), provides a nostalgic look at the themes of loss and rediscovery, reminding us of the significance of personal growth and self-acceptance.