Chapter 1: The Paradox of Modern Friendship

In today's world, one of the most perplexing phenomena is how we have turned nearly every aspect of life into a commodity, including friendships. Various platforms, such as Bumble BFF and Craigslist, are filled with profiles of individuals seeking companionship, often describing themselves as lonely or bored. Their interests typically revolve around common activities like:

• Happy hours
• Going to the gym
• Watching Netflix

We often justify our use of technology to meet new people, deeming it essential in the 21st century. However, if that were true, why do both introverts and extroverts struggle to connect with quality individuals?

Perhaps the issue lies in the sheer volume of options available or simply not being photogenic enough. Alternatively, we might be fundamentally misunderstanding what friendship truly entails.

C.S. Lewis, a renowned author and an insightful commentator on friendship, once wrote in his book The Four Loves:

“That is why those pathetic people who simply ‘want friends’ can never make any. The very condition of having friends is that we should want something else besides friends. Where the truthful answer to the question 'Do you see the same truth?' would be 'I see nothing and I don’t care about the truth; I only want a friend,' no friendship can arise… There would be nothing for the friendship to be about; and friendship must be about something, even if it were only an enthusiasm for dominoes or white mice. Those who have nothing can share nothing; those who are going nowhere can have no fellow-travelers.”

C.S. Lewis, in contemplation of friendship's essence.

In simpler terms, if you're looking to make friends, being dull and unrefined won't help. You need to be passionate about something beyond yourself.

Consider whether your enthusiasm for Chardonnay or weight-lifting stems from a deeper interest. Are you exploring new wine regions or researching weightlifting techniques? Or are these hobbies just a way to escape reality?

If it's the latter, you might be seeking “friends” merely as a distraction, rather than as “fellow travelers” to share your aspirations.

So, what does your friendship represent?

Is it rooted in shared interests like prison reform, street art, Dungeons & Dragons, container gardening, or discussing classic literature?

As you cultivate your interests, passions, and convictions, you'll naturally encounter friends along the journey. You'll find them in classrooms, labs, town halls, art studios, or bowling alleys—anywhere you are actively engaging in personal growth.

The best friendships often emerge as a byproduct of being an engaged and thoughtful individual.

Thus, if you're having difficulty finding friends (or love), the issue might not be with social media algorithms but rather that you may need to find more excitement in your life or confront your fears.

Pursue what inspires and motivates you, and you'll discover many fellow travelers ready to accompany you on your journey.

The first video titled "Why You Have No Friends (Two Reasons)" explores the underlying factors contributing to loneliness and the challenges of forming connections in today's society.

The second video, "The Real Reason No One Has Friends Anymore," delves deeper into the societal changes that have affected friendship dynamics and the importance of genuine connection.