Chapter 1: A Day Trip to the Unknown

I’ve always been someone who prefers the comfort of home. Overwhelmed by large crowds and unable to sleep unless I'm in my own bed, I often find myself reluctant to step outside my familiar surroundings. Even a brief outing can feel daunting if I'm lacking motivation. While I enjoy walking and hiking, the effort it takes to get dressed and prepare for socializing can sometimes feel overwhelming.

So, when a warm spring afternoon prompted me to take a spontaneous road trip to a new destination after a frustrating appointment, it was quite out of character. The place I had in mind had been on my radar for some time. Before my breakup, I had suggested it to my ex, but those plans never materialized. The memory of that charming little gorge, home to a waterfall unique to my area, resurfaced in my mind, igniting my desire to visit. It was perfectly situated—close enough for a day trip, yet far enough to make the journey feel like a significant endeavor.

Until recently, my life had followed a path laid out by others. I felt secure within that structure, allowing me to drift through life. However, when everything came to a halt, the sudden shift left me disoriented. I've begun transitioning, lost a job, and realized I need to reconsider how to navigate my sensitivities and capabilities.

With no more familiar tracks ahead, I found myself in uncharted territory, unsure of which direction to take. At nearly twenty-seven, the bridges to my past connections had either burned or deteriorated. My greatest asset was my voice and my ability to express myself through writing. Yet, I often find myself spinning the most mundane events into elaborate metaphors, hoping others might see the same beauty I do.

Most days, I try to avoid contemplating my uncertain future. I know I don't fit well into a capitalistic society, and my stubbornness often prevents me from compromising for the sake of financial stability.

While I recognize my privilege—supported by a caring community—I also feel trapped in my hometown, a place filled with trauma that I only recently began to acknowledge. The familiar surroundings suffocate me, and I am making plans to leave, as any future I envision here feels devoid of the spark I yearn to keep alive.

Now more than ever, I need to nurture myself, rather than sacrifice my happiness for the sake of chasing conventional success—career, home, family.

The allure of desire paths fascinates me. These paths reveal where people, driven by their instincts, forge their own routes instead of following those laid out for them. The conservation area I visited was full of these trails, so well-worn that distinguishing the official paths became difficult.

Living in Ontario, Canada, much of my upbringing revolved around conforming to a predetermined path. In my community, most people don't leave, often following in the footsteps of their parents. Those who fit in thrive, while those who don't often feel isolated. As someone who identifies as trans, queer, and neurodivergent, I resonate with the latter. Even as a child, I sensed that I didn't share the same mindset as my peers.

I remember wishing I had been born a girl and fearing the idea of becoming like my father, despite my love for him. My dad once expressed regret for not raising us in the countryside, believing we would have thrived there. I scoffed at the thought, bluntly stating that living on a farm would have made my life worse. I never told him I often wondered if I would still be here today had he gotten his wish.

As I drove to the conservation area, I imagined the idyllic rural setting he envisioned: quaint villages, vast farms, and scattered towns along my route. In Southern Ontario, the landscape can become quite sparse outside the city.

My destination was near Lake Huron, a picturesque area marked by rugged beauty, where a city notorious for pollution sits at the lake’s mouth, with its population scattered to the north.

During my drive, I stopped at a Tim Horton's, where a woman at the drive-thru greeted someone walking by. This community had no stoplights—if I hadn't needed to use the restroom, I would have passed through in a flash. It was one of those places where everyone knows everyone, and the gossip likely keeps things lively.

As I placed my order, I felt like an outsider, a familiar experience for me. Upon arriving at my destination, I parked and noted a sign instructing me to place $4.75 in an envelope for entry. I only had a ten-dollar bill, which I didn't mind leaving as payment, grateful for the honor system.

This wasn’t a quest for enlightenment; I don’t believe in such epiphanies. Life is constructed one brick at a time, rather than being dropped from above. Yet, sometimes you stumble upon a hidden gem—a discarded brick that, after some polishing, reveals its worth.

Having already felt fatigued from a previous day spent at the mall, I took frequent breaks as I explored. The designated path was a short, lovely loop, but the desire paths beckoned.

I pushed through thick brush and prickly branches, navigating well-trodden dirt while climbing over logs and maneuvering around rocks. Each detour led to a dead end—whether it was a sign instructing me to turn back, a muddy patch, or a more challenging terrain than I could handle.

I encountered a path along a steep drop, with a sign stating: "Not an approved trail. Do not use." What secrets lay hidden along that treacherous route?

The park seemed indifferent to the state of these paths, allowing visitors to walk wherever they wished. I could only assume they let people roam freely wherever others had previously tread.

This solo adventure was a first for me. Some might find it sad, but I take pride in acknowledging my past as a reclusive individual. The fact that I decided to embark on this journey on a whim, especially after a tough start to the day, suggests positive change.

I saved the best part for last, choosing to ignore the waterfall at first and make my way down to the gorge's base. However, when I finally reached the falls, I found the last staircase barred.

This was a place I had once imagined visiting with my ex. I wondered if we would have enjoyed it together, or if our usual conflicts would have arisen. We certainly wouldn’t have carved our initials into the railing like many others had. Ultimately, this trip felt only tangentially connected to her.

As I gazed at the waterfall, I didn’t experience overwhelming awe. It was beautiful, sure, but far from majestic. At just over thirty feet tall, it would never rival the grandeur of Niagara Falls.

What was the purpose of this trip? Did I feel more equipped to confront my life’s challenges? Not really, but it was a new experience—something to reflect upon.

Returning to my car to snack on trail mix, I felt a mix of irritation at the long drive home and a bubbling sense of satisfaction. This journey reminded me that, despite my tendency to cling to the familiar, I can break free from my constraints.

With no predetermined tracks ahead, perhaps those rolling green hills won’t seem so intimidating. All I need to do is take that first step.

Chapter 2: Embracing New Experiences

The first video, "Desire Paths," explores the concept of unconventional routes taken by individuals, often leading to unexpected discoveries and personal growth.

The second video, "Route 66 Road Trip: 14 Days Driving the Main Street of America," captures the essence of traveling off the beaten path, showcasing the beauty of exploration and the stories that unfold along the journey.