Chapter 1: The Selfish Question

Imagine if the question "What’s in it for you?" was merely an expression of reciprocity, implying that there is also something beneficial for others involved. During a conversation about potential collaboration with a business partner, this question surfaced, heavy and loaded.

This inquiry reminded me of the king of spades in a game of "War"—almost the highest card, yet always vulnerable to the ace lurking in the opponent's hand, ready to change the game's outcome. The question "What’s in it for me?" isn't casual; it carries a weight that can flip the tone of a conversation entirely.

What do I gain from this?

How do I benefit?

This query has been lingering in my mind, much like the fibers of a mango caught between teeth. I find myself revisiting it, contemplating why it clings to my thoughts unlike the multitude of other questions that pass through my mind daily.

I believe this question symbolizes a pervasive and toxic mindset that we often carry: selfishness.

If my assertion provokes a sense of discomfort or defensiveness, that's selfishness manifesting itself. Many of us might think, "Not me; I’m not selfish," while pointing fingers at others, believing it’s "society" that is the problem.

We often say, "People are selfish" while distancing ourselves from the blame, claiming that we are not part of the issue. This mentality of exclusion demonstrates the very selfishness we criticize.

Instead, we might consider that a certain level of selfishness has been vital for our survival throughout history. Our ancestors likely thrived by asking, "What’s in it for me?" during negotiations and resource exchanges. However, they also realized that their survival depended on the well-being of other groups, leading to a balance between self-interest and communal support.

In this thought-provoking video featuring Cal Newport and Rich Roll, the duo discusses the flaws in modern work and how we can address them.

Chapter 2: A Symbiotic Approach

What if a healthy degree of selfishness could coexist with an equally healthy sense of social responsibility? What if our desires are intrinsically linked to the needs of others?

To my knowledge, there’s no evidence indicating that kindness is a finite resource. We can both succeed and help others thrive simultaneously. Yet, we often act as if goodness is scarce, leading us to selfish behavior.

This scarcity mentality extends beyond professional realms; it permeates our personal lives as well. We may feel threatened if our partner gets some alone time, fearing it will detract from our own opportunities for relaxation. Similarly, we might feel jealous when a sibling receives more attention from a parent, convinced that love is a limited resource.

In this insightful conversation with Iain McGilchrist, the relationship between the divided brain and our spiritual experiences is explored, shedding light on the broader implications of our thoughts.

It's interesting to note that, just as plants thrive better in the company of other healthy plants, our success can also multiply when we support one another. We are inherently selfish, a trait that has served us well in terms of survival. However, neglecting the needs of others in our quest for personal gain can hinder our ability to truly thrive in a world abundant with opportunities.

In our pursuit of understanding "what’s in it for me," we may inadvertently discover "what’s in it for you," highlighting the interconnectedness of our existence.