Chapter 1: The Struggle for Authenticity

If you woke up today as a brown woman, you would understand the struggle.

Throughout my experiences, I've witnessed numerous instances where brown women are stifled for expressing their true selves and opinions. Even in professional settings, we often encounter condescending comments about our appearance or choices. To many of our white colleagues, we may seem exotic. If you doubt this reality, speak to anyone who has faced racism.

I can recount several instances where my self-expression has been restricted. I yearn for complete freedom, yet I often feel like I don't possess it. Each opportunity to showcase my individuality is precious, and I guard it fiercely—I simply can't risk losing it.

This need for self-expression inspired me to launch "Women of Caliber." My choices in fashion, writing, dating profiles, and other aspects of life have constantly been subject to scrutiny.

I often pondered if I would ever be seen as enough. However, one day, I made the decision that I am enough just as I am.

I'm exhausted from trying to meet others' unrealistic expectations. I refuse to be confined to the image of a perfect Barbie doll while also trying to be a math professor. I choose to present myself authentically, regardless of external pressures.

I questioned whether I was ever enough for my father, especially since I don't hold a six-figure job in Silicon Valley. Eventually, I found that I could earn more per hour than he and his family combined, and I have never looked back since.

Similarly, I wondered if I was ever enough for the men I encountered on dating apps. I realized they never fulfilled my emotional requirements or respected me. They knew how to treat women well; they just chose not to. When I sought feedback from male friends regarding my dating profile, their advice was to wear more revealing clothing—and that was a turning point. I recognized how society systematically diminishes women, particularly brown women.

I also contemplated whether we were ever deemed enough within the Indian community, both domestically and abroad. As India adopts more Western influences, some view this as progress, but I believe it undermines the self-worth of our people.

We often find ourselves caught between two worlds—presenting as a brown woman who can don provocative outfits daily while appearing traditional to our families. This duality feels enforced rather than natural. I embrace blending cultures but refuse to overthink how it might be perceived. Refining one’s style shouldn't come at the cost of chasing unattainable perfection or succumbing to fast fashion trends prevalent on social media.

The solution is simple: be unapologetically focused on yourself and pursue your passions. Don't allow others to restrict your self-expression, as doing so will only lead to regret.

Women of Caliber contributes on Medium. Sign up to catch every story upon publication. She also publishes a newsletter on Substack and writes content on Upwork. Follow her journey on Instagram.

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