Harnessing Anger: Transforming My Rage into Strength
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Understanding My Anger Journey
I must admit, I’ve had significant struggles with anger throughout my life. This issue didn’t emerge suddenly; it stems from years of being targeted by bullies during my formative years. Being different, grappling with social challenges due to undiagnosed ADHD, and facing body image issues because of undiagnosed PCOS left me feeling isolated. I often felt like I was a burden to others, leading me to prioritize their needs over my own, which in turn fueled my echoism.
Years later, after becoming a mother to a child with complex special needs, I faced continued bullying. My grief and caregiver stress were dismissed, which only worsened my situation, resulting in obesity and severe depression. My anger became overwhelming.
I Made a Tough Choice for My Son's Future
How was I truly helping my son by keeping him at home?
I became a person consumed by anger.
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Due to the stigma surrounding discussions of my stress and trauma, I bottled everything up, allowing resentment to fester. My marriage suffered as I frequently engaged in arguments and experienced road rage. I would lash out physically, smashing my fists against walls and harboring vengeful thoughts toward my high school bullies. Reflecting on that time brings me sadness.
Yet, I recognized that I needed change, which is why I ultimately made the difficult decision to place my son in a better environment. It was a choice that proved beneficial for both of us. He is thriving now, and I genuinely believe I would not have managed my anger effectively or escaped my echoism without that decision. I shudder to think about where I might have ended up otherwise.
With significant weight loss and therapy, I gradually began to rebuild my life, spending quality moments with my daughter and reconciling with my husband. I learned to manage my anger, though it became clear during the COVID-19 lockdowns just how much unresolved trauma I still carried.
I regained some weight, but I discovered methods to channel my anger constructively rather than letting it control me. I refuse to return to echoism or forgive my bullies and abusers, despite what others may suggest.
Heal Your ANGER Reflex BEFORE It Destroys Your Relationships - In this video, learn how to understand and manage your anger before it negatively impacts your relationships.
Effective Strategies for Managing Anger
Instead of succumbing to my anger, I adopted several strategies that have helped me take control.
Establishing Firm Boundaries
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As someone who struggled with echoism, I initially lacked boundaries, which made me an easy target for abuse. This absence of limits often resulted in anger and various health issues. Recognizing anger as a signal that my boundaries were violated was crucial in my journey to set firm limits. By doing so, I found it easier to say "no" and earn respect. No one dares to bully me anymore.
Advocating for Myself and Others
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Many people share similar experiences of feeling trapped in a cycle of fawning and echoism. One productive outlet for my anger is advocacy. I use platforms like Facebook, TikTok, and Medium to discuss the realities of narcissistic abuse and bullying, emphasizing the importance of setting boundaries and speaking one's truth. I strive to empower those in similar situations to establish their own limits.
Communicating When Upset
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In the past, I absorbed comments from others without expressing how they affected me, regardless of intent. Now, I address these feelings calmly when necessary. For instance, when people commend my strength after sharing my story, I remind them that while I appreciate their intentions, I don’t accept that label. I refuse to be put on a pedestal.
Standing Up Against Toxic Positivity
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Those who promote toxic positivity often invalidate others' feelings by insisting they shouldn't express their struggles because "others have it worse." It's vital to assert that your emotions are valid and that you deserve to express your frustrations without judgment.
Acknowledging All Emotions
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I recommend steering clear of overly optimistic communities that suggest ignoring negative feelings. They often imply that experiencing anything other than happiness signifies a flaw. It's essential to embrace all emotions, as suppressing them will only lead to anger controlling you instead.
Exploring Personal Growth Tools
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Not everyone may resonate with tarot for personal growth, but for me, it has been a useful tool. Through tarot, I've gained insights about myself and life, enhancing my intuition and helping manage my anger constructively.
Finding Humor as a Coping Mechanism
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People who deal with trauma-related anger often find humor, even dark humor, as a coping mechanism. While it can help alleviate tension, it’s important to use it judiciously to avoid upsetting others.
Ultimately, my anger is a part of who I am. I don’t believe in simply rising above it but rather in managing it effectively. It’s about ensuring I maintain control rather than letting anger dictate my life.
5 Keys to Controlling Anger - This video provides essential strategies for managing anger in healthy and constructive ways.