Surrendering to the Present

During times of confusion, it's tempting to cling to desires and resist our pasts. For instance, if your previous identity was a source of pain, you might find yourself desperately trying to escape it. This aversion can lead to a relentless pursuit of an ideal self, which ultimately results in suffering.

In Buddhist philosophy, aversion, desire, and delusion are termed the "Three Defilements," which manifest pain. If you are in a transitional phase, it's crucial to show compassion towards your past self and let go of aversion. Equally important is the practice of surrendering to the present moment.

This doesn't mean you should forget your past experiences or stop envisioning your future. Rather, it emphasizes the importance of living in the now. Without this present-focused mindset, even when you achieve your goals or transform into your desired self, you may struggle to appreciate these moments.

Stepping Towards the New You

Embracing the present allows us to liberate our minds from the burdens of desire and aversion. I'm a firm believer in the idea that if something is broken, it should be repaired, and that expecting different outcomes from the same actions is, quite frankly, unreasonable.

To evolve into the new version of yourself, it's essential to let go of the beliefs and behaviors that no longer serve you. Reflect on what limiting beliefs you held, which actions felt uncomfortable, and how your relationships impacted your well-being.

The transitional phase between who you are and who you aspire to be is an opportunity for compassionate introspection. When I faced mental health challenges that dismantled my pre-adolescent identity, I found growth through disengagement from harmful habits.

I didn't realize it at the time, but I immersed myself in my university studies and personal development literature. I distanced myself from the party scene and became somewhat of a recluse. A lyric from the band Foals resonates with this experience: "Time away from me is what I need to clear my sight and clear my head."

Taking a step back enables us to gain clarity, allowing us to move forward with the insights we've gathered from our time of reflection. This process not only rejuvenates us but also equips us with actionable plans.

Becoming the New You

Transitioning to your new self is not an instantaneous process; it can span months or even years. This is why embracing the present is vital. In order to reinvent ourselves, we must release the aspects of our former identities that no longer align with who we wish to become.

During your reflections, you may uncover certain habits or thought patterns that you know haven't benefited you. You might also realize that your environment—friends and career—has not supported your growth.

Since our identities are shaped by our behaviors and surroundings, failing to seek change may cause us to revert to our old selves. This cycle can keep us trapped in a pendulum of personal growth, oscillating between two identities.

While some situations necessitate rapid changes, such as health crises or unexpected events, it's often more effective to start small and build gradually. For instance, if you recognize that a partying lifestyle isn't conducive to your well-being, consider spending a few weekends at home and observe how it feels.

Recently, I've faced conflicting thoughts and feelings as I navigate this shift. Questions arise: What do I do alone on a Saturday? How do I find fulfilling activities? Where can I meet friends who share my evolving lifestyle? Addressing these questions is essential as we peel back layers of behavior.

Attempting to tackle too much at once can lead to overwhelm and eventual failure. Instead, pursuing change gradually will yield more sustainable results.

Final Thoughts

Rising above the middle can be an uncomfortable journey, as change inherently brings discomfort. While it’s natural to feel aversion towards your current reality and desire for a different one, dwelling in these states can lead to suffering. This is because you may overlook the present moment and struggle to appreciate the rewards of your transformation.

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